FANFICTIONS HOME
BY GUY
Featuring:
Justin Torkildsen as Rick Forrester(Agent 86)
Ashley Lyn Cafagna(The blond haired Ashley,always)as Agent 99
John McCook as The Chief
Jeff Conaway as Cash Money
Sandra Ferguson as Barbie Daal
Phyllis Diller as The old lady at the mall
Brenda Epperson as Agent 65
We are at CONTROL headquarters.Walking into the office of the
Chief of CONTROL is Rick Forrester,Agent 86.The Chief is about to inform agent 86 about an
important case that shall need his talents.
The Chief:Good to see you 86.
Agent 86:Same here Chief,what's up?
Chief:86,KAOS has devised a sinister plan to receive information from every home in
America.
86:What kind of plan is it Chief.
Chief:Well 86 think about it.What kind of thing could be valuable in a home yet small
enough and reusable enough that it would be worth buying by anyone and everyone?
86:A condom?
Chief:Well no Rick.I don't think KAOS is selling that kind of item to gain information
from individuals with.
86:You could get pretty up close and personal with a condom Chief and I don't know of an
item more needed than that in a home if you know what I mean.
Chief:Well I know what you mean Rick but it isn't a condom,no something more that a person
could everyday and keep close to him always.
86:Underwear?Now that is pretty close to a person and very much something somebody could
use everyday.
Chief:I doubt that Rick.Underwear is pretty much interchangeable,something most people
would change from day to day.
86:Not for most people it isn't.
Chief:86 don't tell me you use the same underwear everyday!
86:Well Chief all I can say that is privilaged information.
Chief:With the money you make as an intelligence agent you should be able to afford a
decent set of underwear!
86:I should but you know how expensive things are these days.One must economical when it
comes personal items such as underwear.I will make sure though that clothing items ,like
underwear,is brought up as part of our benefits when the current contract with the
agents expires.
Chief:Can we get back to the subject at hand 86?
86:Sure thing Chief.What is it?
Chief:We were talking about KAOS selling an item that every single person in America can
use in his or her own home.Now I asked you what kind of an item you think that might be?
86:Let me give an educated guess,socks.
Chief:You think socks are something KAOS could use to gather information with Rick?
86:They are pretty close to a person and can be used everyday too.
Chief:I am not going to ask you 86 if you wear the same socks everyday at least I hope you
don't.
86:No.They are covered in the current collective bargaining agreement.CONTROL agents get
360 pair of socks as part of their clothing allowance.Now as far as undrwear goes....
Chief:Let us get back to the subject at hand Rick.
86:Which is?
Chief:The lastest plan KAOS has for getting information from anyone and everyone they
choose in America.And I might as well level with you
86.KAOS is selling cel phones and distributing these phones nationwide at a very cheap
price.
86:Is that right? How much is it and where can I get one?
Chief:86 I would think your phone card phone would suffice wouldn't you say?Besides this
is a KAOS plot to undermine national security!
86:Oh well your right Chief.Just always lookng out for a bargain you know.You know how
expensive things are these days ....
Chief....I know.You told me about the standard of living not too long ago.
86:I thought we were talking about national security right now?
Chief:WE ARE RICK could you stay focused for a minute please?
86:Sure Chief.Now about KAOS and their new plan to undermine national security?
Chief:KAOS is selling compact cel phones at a cheap price all around the country.With
phone hook ups they could get any type of information they need from anybody anywhere at
any time.They could listen to conversations and always know where a person is because the
cel phone is so compact and easy to bring along.
86:An incredible plan Chief.What do you want me to do?
Chief:I want you to meet with Agent 65 at the Wallenburgh Plaza today at 5:00 P.M.She
shall give details on the store where KAOS is selling the cel phones from.
86:You know Chief I have never met agent 65 before.I take it she works overseas on cases
for CONTROL moslly.
Chief:That is correct 86.But she will be seen sitting on a bench reading a magazine called
SPIN.You shall see her there and she shall fill you in on the details.
86:Great Chief.Where shall the bench be at where agent 65 will be sitting so I can meet
her at five?
Chief:The bench agent 65 will be sitting on shall be in front of the Up Close and Personal
Underwear and Condoms Novelty Shop for Men at Wallenburgh Plaza 86.
Agent 86 has a quizzical look on his face as he heads out of the Chief's office and heads
for his last adventure in the name of protecting national security.
And at the Up Close and Personal Underwear and Condoms Novelty Shop for Men at Wallenburgh
Plaza in Washington,we find Rick Forrester agent 86 of CONTROL moving toward his intended
target.
A bench inside the plaza where Rick sees an old lady reading SPIN magazine in front of the
Up Close and Personal Underwear and Condoms Novelty Shop for Men.It is five o'clock.Rick
Forrester starts up a conversation with the old lady sitting on the bench.
86:Hi.
Old lady:Hi.
86:You 65?
Old lady:65?I wish!
86:The Chief told me to meet you here and you would have the information I needed.
Old lady:My feet told me to sit here because they're tired of walking this old lady here
there and everywhere you know what I saying?
86:Let me start over again.You are 65 right.
Old lady:Could be!I knew this Ultra Human Growth Hormone stuff would work one of these
days.Although I look more like 79 don't you think?
86:No 79 is in Tokyo right now.You must be playing coy,you must be 65.
Old lady:Whatever you say bub.79 is in Tokyo,old Ms99 herself here is in the real world
and where are you right now?
86:I'm at Wallenburgh Plaza and I'm 86 now are you ready to talk.
Old lady:Strange,you look a day over 22 to me.What Human Growth Hormone product are you
using?Whatever it is I'll buy it.
86:The Chief said that you would be here reading SPIN magazine and sitting on a bench here
at five o'clock ,therefore you must be 65.
Old lady:If sitting on a bench in front of a mens' sex supply shop at five o'clock reading
SPIN magazine makes one 65 then let's pass a law right now,I'm all for it.
86:You aren't 65?
Old lady:I was once.I stopped counting after 35 so you'll have to take a guess.Well I seen
all the fellows who aren't getting much and those getting too much and those just getting
bubblegum enough today.This is all the bird watching I can do today.I'm going home to
watch a Donny Osmond look-a-like in a prono flick I ordered on the internet called
DonnyDoesDetroit.See ya.
Agent 86 shakes his head and walks into the novelty store to get
some gum.When he comes out he sees a woman reading SPIN magazine sitting on the bench
outside the store.
86:Are you agent 65?
Agent 65:Yes.
86:What happened?You were supposed to be here at five.
65:Got caught in traffic 86.Plus there was a sale on Victoria Secret lingerie at MayCo.You
know about CONTROL and underwear,wasn't well covered in this last contract if you ask me.
86:I know what you mean.Now how about the infomation I need about KAOS and its plan to
sell cel phones?
65:They are selling them at a store called The Connection downtown.They are selling really
well.Let me give the address and get you on your way 86.
86:When shall they close 65?It is about 5:20 right now.
65:The store closes at seven o'clock.And 86 a CONTROL agent is working as a salesperson at
the store currently.Agent 99 I believe.
86:Thanks 65 you been a great help.
65:Don't mention it.
Agent 86 walks into the Novelty shop once more to buy some deorderant and when he leaves
he sees another woman sitting on the same bench that he has been to for the past half
hour.This woman as well is reading SPIN
magazine.He goes to her.
86:Don't tell me.You are 65,for real!
65:Yes,I'm agent 65.The store you need to go to is The Connection.It is Downtown and
closes at 7 P.M.
86:Agent 65 somebody was just here telling this information just now.
65:Was she blonde like me?
86:Yes!
65:Was she reading SPIN magazine like me?
86:Yes!
65:Does she know your partner agent 99 is working there as a salesperson there?
86:YES!
65;Do you know what this means 86?
86:NO!
65:They may have 99 as a hostage if they know where she is right now.
86:I'm heading for The Connection right now.
65:86 this could be a trap for you.Who knows how much information KAOS has gotten up to
now.
86:Right,she even talked about the problem with underware in the current collective
bargaining agreement with CONTROL and the agents.
65:If they know all about that they might be able to undermine national security.
86:If they know about all that they.....might have a better plan than we do.
And at The Connection,a place where comminications products of all sorts are sold.We see
the woman who Rick Forrester talked to before he talked to the real agent 65.The woman who
impersonated her.A KAOS agent called
Barbie Daal.
Barbie Daal:Cash,Cash it is me honey open up.
A secret office is opened to Barbie Daal by her co conspirator from KAOS,Cash Money.
Cash Money:Everything work out just fine.
Barbie Daal:Yes.Enough of these cel phones are out in the public for us to listen into
converstaions at any time any where.
CM:It is our luck that old woman we sold one cel phone to earlier happened to have been
close enough to that CONTROL agent ,agent 65 so we could get a reading on what they know
so far.
BD:She knew plenty.So,one of our sales people is an CONTROL agent herself eh? Well
thankfully we tuned into the old lady's cel phone to hear that Rick Forrester is coming to
the store himself.I impersonated agent 65 so I
could lead agent 86 into our wonderful store.There,I'm sure he shall meet up with his
partner.
CM:Only we shall have something for the both of them,and we shall send a message to
CONTROL that KAOS is way ahead of them with this case,and there will be little they can do
to stop us.
BD:Cash here comes Forrester now.
CM:He is heading for his partner,I believe he sees her.Let us be prepared for their
disposal.
Agent 86 walks into the communications store.He sees 99 and walks up to her.
99:Good evening sir how may I help you?
99 lets Rick see a note saying that they may be spied upon right now and to be careful in
what he says to her.
86:Yes well I am looking to buy one of your cel phones.
99:I believe we have some more in stock.Would you like to see one?
86:I would.
Just then Barbie Daal comes up to the both of them at the counter.
BD:Excuse me dear but you have a phone call in the back.I shall take care of this customer
while you take your call.
99:Thank you.
99 is a little reluctant to leave Rick right now.But she isn't aware that KAOS is on to
them therefore she goes to the backroom. Barbie Daal meanwhile takes over her
"customer"
86:I believe we have met before.Aren't you 65?
BD:No I'm 39.Now Mr.Forrester,if you want that sweet young thing in the short short red
dress to be safe,follow me over here.Here we have our standard office telephones
available.From here you can make a phone call to anywhere in the world.Go ahead lift up
the receiver of this phone and make a call.
Rick picks up the receiver and falls through a trap door that has him fall onto a slide
that sends him sliding into a trunk that is waiting for him in the store's basement.
Later both 86 and 99 are found on a conveyor belt ,tied up,and heading for a trap of
deadly danger.
CM:This Rick Forrester is a enlarged perforating paper shredder.We can get rid of tons of
unneeded documents by putting them on this conveyor belt and leading the into this
machine.
BD:Agent 86 you, and this tall young blond bimbo here, shall
become the first humans ever to be shredded by this machine.Take it from me you won't be
the last.But every machine of this sort needs a trial run don't you think?
86:Maybe,but would it surprise you both to know that 500 crack top rank FBI agent are on
their way to save us?
CM:I highly doubt it Mr.Forrester.
86:Would you believe 250 police officers of the District of Columbia?
CM:No.
86:Would you believe 100 state troppers from the state of Virginia?
CM:I highly doubt it Mr.Forrester
86:What about four boy scouts and their Scoutmaster?
BD:I believe it is time we killed a couple of CONTROL agents don't you think Cash?
CM:With pleasure Barbie my dear.
99:This is so insidious so fiendish.How can the both of you stand and laugh at killing
people?
BD:It comes with experience young lady.And the willingness to always come out on top.Turn
on the machine Cash and let's go I'm hungry.
CM:Sure will have others dispose of the bodies later.Here they go.
The evil KAOS agent turns on the machine and agents 86 and 99 head into the enlarged paper
shredder.
99:It looks like the end Rick.What a way to die.
86:Courage 99.I know there is a way out of trap,CONTROL agents always find a way out.
99:I hope we find a way right now.My toes are just about entering the shreadding machine.I
can feel it.
86:It looks bad,but I hope he got my message.
99:Who?
86:The Chief?I left a message when I called him earlier on where he would could pick up
these crooks when we cracked this case.
99:Left a message?Why didn't you call him directly?
86:His line was busy.
Just then,The Chief and some CONTROL agents break through the door and the Chief stops the
machine before his two most dedicated CONTROL agents go through the shredder.
99:Chief you made it just in time.
Chief:Yes 99.If it wasn't for Rick calling my office earlier we wouldn't have made it.But
we got here just in time and we were able to take both Cash Money and Barbie Daal as they
were leaving the establishment and arrested them.I am proud of both you believe me.
99:Thank you Chief.I appreciate the compliment and the fact that that Barbie Daal and Cash
Money are in custody,they're such horrid people.What could drive such people to treat
their fellow human beings this way?
86:It is because they work for the forces that are the opposite of goodness and
niceness.Plus they might have a better clothing allowance plan in their contarcts
regarding underwear.
THE END
